Welcome to Stop Your Divorce Secrets...
In this book I'm going to show you exactly what to say and do to stop your divorce...even if you're the only one who wants to stop it.
First, we’re going to talk about the competition and how to win against the competition.
Part of the competition is our addiction to ten strategies that never work.
This series is going to tell you why and how to outsmart the competition, to WIN over the competition. Because you do have a lot of competition.
(NOTE: In these examples I'm using the situation of a man
winning back a woman. The strategies are totally interchangeable
and work exactly the same for a woman winning back a man --
except in a lot of ways it's actually easier for a woman to win back a man)
There are 4 different kinds of competition you’ll have to overcome…
1. Other People : In-laws, her man friend or her lady friend who is divorced and subconsciously envious of her marriage. Other people involved that are supporting her in her idea for divorce or separation.
2. Her negative feelings, her fear, her hurt, her anger, her pessimistic feelings.
3. Addiction to 10 strategies that never work, which I’ll go into very briefly.
4. Our pain and our addiction to the pain. That is, our hurt, our grief, our anxiety, our depression.
Now, by winning over the competition, and I guarantee you that you will win over the competition if you follow my strategies, we will get her back, after we have earned her back, after we’ve earned her respect and her interest and her positive feelings. And we earn all this by winning over the above competitors.
Here Are 10 Strategies That
Never Work – Yet People Always Try:
1. The first is to give her reassurance. “I’ve changed. I won’t be controlling anymore. I won’t lie to you anymore. I won’t have another affair,” and so forth. The efforts to give her reassurance. This almost never works.
2. The second strategy is to tell her over and over again, “I love you.” That never works.
3. Third is the use of prayer and hope, which is basically wishful thinking. In this series you're going to discover that REALITY thinking is the key to your success.
4. The fourth strategy is arguing, reasoning, trying to talk her into feeling different or doing different. That never works.
5. The fifth strategy is recruiting others, trying to get others to side with us. That always boomerangs.
6. Acting depressed. Now, sometimes that might work temporarily through getting her to feel guilty or afraid of what we’re going to do. But it increases her motivation to get away from us.
7. Using the kids. That’s kind of like recruiting others. That always boomerangs.
8. Blaming and using moral pressure. One psychologist says, “The essence of mental disturbance can be put in one word: blaming.” Never works. It works negatively.
9. Pessimism. We become addicted to our pessimism.
I once had a man say to me, “I know I can’t win. You don’t know my wife. She’s very stubborn. She never changes her mind."
I say, “Never? About anything?”
“Well, maybe about minor things, but not things this important.”
I said, “Well, I think it’s about something this important is precisely what she has changed her mind about. She originally said she was going to stay with you and love you forever. And now, she can’t stand you. So obviously, she’s changed her mind. So obviously, she does change her mind.”
But people fall in love with pessimism. That’s one of the strategies that never work.
10. Exaggeration. One psychologist says, “The essence of mental disturbance can be put in one word: blaming.” I say the essence of mental disturbance can be put in one word: exaggerating. We exaggerate the good, and we exaggerate the bad.
All of these strategies are very human. This list almost exhausts the strategies that people use. These strategies always backfire.
Now, how are we going to win against the competition of other people and her negative feelings and our addiction to these strategies and our addiction to self-pity?
This Book Will Show You Exactly
How To Win Over All This Competition
Let’s picture that we’re in a contest. The one who wins this juggling contest is the one that will get the wife.
Now, the one that wins the contest is the one that keeps the most plates juggled up in the air. These plates stand for factors, situations that we have to deal with, people that we have to deal with, and so on.
In other words, our desires.
Each one of these plates that we’re juggling up in the air is a desire.
Now, what everybody is doing is they’re thinking of their desires, particularly their more important ones like being agreed with, being approved of, being loved, getting their way and so on, they believe that that’s a need. And that is a big handicap in their competing.
Say the other man is involved with the wife, who is pulling away from the husband. This other man will gradually pressure her, “Give me more, give me more, give me more.”
“What? You had lunch with your husband?”
Or, “You haven’t fully divorced him yet?”
And so he will turn her against him, because of his philosophy of needing. The thing that we want to realize and learn, which will give us tremendous, unbeatable advantages against all of the competition that I have mentioned – her feelings, other people – we will win in this juggling contest by realizing that we don’t have any needs.
It’s only desires.
If something isn’t going our way, we think it’s only a desire.
It’s only a preference. That’s all that it is.
So we realize that we don’t need. That causes us to relax, lose our anxiety, and have fun. We’re having fun juggling.
If we come from a philosophy that everybody does of needing, and we start to drop a plate, then we lunge after that plate. And that causes us to even probably lose that plate and several others at the same time.
Whereas, if we’re relaxed and having fun, “Uh-oh, I dropped a plate. It’s okay.” We don’t lunge after it and drop a whole lot more plates. Relaxation and having fun are the key to winning.
In a movie not very long ago called “The Fan,” Robert DeNiro is this fanatical fan.
He practically worships this baseball player who’s a home run hitter. The home run hitter goes through a batting slump where he is never hitting anything. And then all of a sudden, he starts hitting home runs again.
Well, this intrigued DeNiro, the fan, so much that he looked him up and said, “What happened so that you’re hitting home runs again?”
He said, “I stopped caring, and that relaxed me so much.”
The more that we relax, we lose our anxiety, we have fun, and we become more efficient. Whether it’s sex or public speaking, it doesn’t make any difference.
You can’t relax if you exaggerate the importance of something. If you think that you need to get your mate back, if you need her, then there’s no chance that you’re going to get her back because you’re lying to yourself, you’re putting yourself down, you’re attacking her pride. You’re turning yourself into a baby and a tyrant.
This makes you less attractive and less interesting. Relax.
So, your first job is to realize that you don’t NEED.